Indubitably

9.27.2010

I like the word indubitably. It sounds so cute. Haha

Indubitably: Being impossible to doubt; Being unquestionable.

Indubitably, I am in much pain from the wound on my lip. (>_<)

It does hurt. D:

I haven't seen my dentist in over two months, that's why. O_O I think some of my wires are coming loose, and the metal on my molars is really painful. Waha.

But anyway.

--

I need to memorize my speech by tonight! D: And, as Maria stated so well,

"The pressure's on her; her character is famous."

Damnit. Why did I have to get Caligula, of all emperors? Why couldn't I have gotten one of the ones who weren't so well-known? Did it have to be so.. Argh. T_T

And so I must act insane tomorrow, and be very, very demeaning and vainglorious and.. and.. *sigh* This is so draining. I don't feel it. I really don't.

--

I'm really hungry right now, too. T_T I really really want a huge lasagna. Hot red sauce and large chunks of sausage; layered between thick, wavy slices of pasta and smothered with a gallon of melted cheese. And some Coke, too. :( Me hungwy. HUNGWY! *is sad*

--

I'm watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone right now. The first two movies really are different from the last four. I think I like them better when they stuck to their uniforms more, and didn't just wear casual dress all the time. (>_<) And I think the actor for Dumbledore in the first two movies was better, too. Somehow.

But I still appreciate how well the movies stay true to the book. I don't think anyone would appreciate it much if they screwed it up. We're talking a major fandom here. You can't just make a mistake and say Sorry. People will be out to get you. Count on that.

--

My Internet has stopped, too. Damnit. This really, really, sucks. 

--

I hate my mom. She won't get me any nice teacher. Damnit. I feel so.. useless. *sigh* If I could teach myself, I would. God-fucking-damnit. I'm so pissed off right now.

I think that's all the energy I have right now. Time to eat. 

~ the Raspberry Scribbler. :D

Shuffle along, now.

Okay, so I haven't talked to my mom in more than a week. Almost two, actually. I wonder who's going to cave first. I do hope it won't be me. (>_<)

It appears my class (at least, according to Minnie) wants me to be Miss America. >_> I don't want to be, actually. I really don't. I don't feel up to answering stupid questions or dressing up in red, white and blue. Honestly. I just want to get this weekend over with. I really don't feel like I can do this anymore.

That goes for just about everything, too. (Shush.)

I feel so exhausted when I get home every day. Classes have lost what was barely even letting them pass off as interesting, at least for me. Talking to people has lost, not all, but.. much of its luster. 

Maybe I'm becoming a recluse once again? Ha. I doubt it. As long as my current state of affairs holds fast, I will not return too easily to how I once was. It's just not going to happen. Not soon, at least. :/

On the upside. I'm almost done with NEXT, by Michael Crichton. Very... insightful. It really makes you think. I don't want to go into the details (I'll leave you to go check it out on your own. Haha) but let's just say... Humans can be SO infuriating. 

Also. I don't understand why people draw SUCH a bloody line between Science and Religion. (I'm going to take the rest of this in the context of Christianity, since that's what's on all my official papers, and I'm not too familiar with many other religions.)

God made everything on this Earth, am I right? God made everything in this universe. I have no problem with that. God made the people, the trees, everything. You could argue that He didn't make "technology" (in the very public, washed-out sense of the word) e.g. cellphones, laptops, iPads, forks, plastic bags, bridges... it goes on. But He pretty damn well gave us more than enough to make them. They've all been made, one way or another, no matter how indirectly, from what's around us; Nature. And who made Nature? God.

I'm not trying to sound like a preacher. I'm just.. telling you what I think. If you don't want to read on, there's a red button on the upper corner of this page. Click it. 

Moving on. *ahem* God also gave us free will. That's been very well established by many, many people. You can do what you want, but everything you do has a consequence. It's not just some random thing some old men spouted off to get people to do the "right" thing, it's a Law. Go read up on some Newton. (to any classmates. BLEH. Haha)

Atheists say this isn't right, because God supposedly wants us to do good all the time, and if we don't do good, don't repent, and don't worship Him, we shall go to Hell. Well, that seems plausible enough. He's not stopping you from doing whatever you want. He may want you to do something else, but He can't MAKE you do that. That's the point of free will. Do it, but remember there are consequences.

People also get worked up about ethics. Well, yes. There are many different types of people in this world, thus of course there would be many different opinions of what constitutes good ethics and moral conduct. Good form, as Peter Pan would've said it. 

Well, I'm not one to judge. I basically live by reciprocation: Leave me alone and I'll do the same, be nice to me and I'll do the same, fuck me up and I will resent you for life and badmouth you to whomever I can. You can say the last one is pretty bitchy, but hey. You started it.

About abortion (though I am preparing a much better blog on this): I don't mind, much. People try and get you with the "perspective argument":

"How would you feel if you were aborted?" -- I don't think fetuses have fully developed their nervous system yet Also, if I WERE aborted, I wouldn't be here. I would never have known what it was like to live; I would never have had the capacity TO know, at all. In short: How would I feel? I wouldn't; both physically and"emotionally."

"How would you feel if you were pregnant and had to abort?" -- The fact is, I would never have sex before marriage without protection. It's just stupid, since society today decrees it's.. irresponsible. Aside from that, there would always be a morning-after pill. Barring that, if it every really DID happen, then... I would abort, since you just said I HAD to. I've got no other choice, right? 

"How would you feel if your friend had to abort her child?" -- If she needs me to hold her hand through it all, I will. She's my friend after all. That's what I'm there for. I won't lecture her, except to say if she doesn't want to do this again, suggest she be better protected. 

"How would you feel if you were asked to abort someone's baby?" -- Correction: fetus. It's a fetus til it leaves the womb. Also, I have zero knowledge of what abortionists do. I couldn't do it, really. Sorry.

On stem cell research. Nearly the same argument as on abortion, really. I think that's pretty much all I've got to say on it. 

People say looking into the structure of things is Satanic, against God, blasphemy, blah blah blah. I don't believe that. We just want to know what makes us tick. We will always have that incessant need to KNOW. Without it, the human race would have died out eons ago, really. Ho hum. 

People cross breeding different species? Well. That's what we had to do to survive, you know. Less artificially, though. Haha.

I think that's all I can manage tonight; curfew has come upon me. Whoops. Haha

G'night then. :D

~the Raspberry Scribbler.

Louder than God's revolver and twice as shiny.

Listen up!

The future is bulletproof; the aftermath is secondary.

It's time to do it now and do it loud.

Killjoys, make some noise!!

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na------

~~

Okay, I've officially caught MCR fever. :D

GOSH, I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE ALBUM!! XD

Every time I even see the word "Na," the song from the trailer starts playing in my head. Over and over and over again. o-o I cannot believe this.

I mean, finally! They finally have a new album, four years after they let out Black Parade (which was, in my opinion, their best; though they had me hooked even from Bullets) and, let me just speak for all those true blue, die hard, MCRmy killjoys out there:

IT DAMN WELL TOOK THEM LONG ENOUGH.

But hey, it's damn well worth the wait, too. You cannot deny that. Every single album is a masterpiece; and their songs will get stuck in your head for days on end, making you wonder just how exactly they could've written so damn honestly.

I think that's what makes up ninety percent of MCR's appeal, actually. How the lyrics just seem to be so right for YOU. How they seem so true, and they make your pain melodic and bearable and amazing. How real they are, how gripping, how bittersweet. It'll make you come back for more, for sure.

I mean, really. How many of us didn't sort of swoon just hearing Helena, and later finding that, HOLY CRAP, AWW, they wrote it for Gee and Mikey's grandmother, who'd encouraged them in nearly everything? It's so hard to express those feelings in ways that so many others, the whole world over, would be able to understand and love.

Oh, look at me, all fangirly and shit. XD

Okay, it's true, maybe this video sort of shows they're going in a different direction, and they've lost Bob, but hey. Real fans wouldn't let them down, right? We'll be there for them through the blood and the guts and the glorious savagery of it all.

And I'm pretty sure this new album, like all their past ones, will not disappoint. They are about quality, not quantity, and quality, we know pretty damn well they have.

So, on an ending note, let me just say:

LOOK ALIVE, SUNSHINE! KILLJOYS, MAKE SOME NOISE!!

Index Cards.

Okay, so this won't really be about index cards. XD

But I love index cards, actually. I adore writing random useless notes on them and crossing things out. XD It's so fun to feel accomplished!

But anyway.

So my dad called the other day, and started asking me why I haven't called mom and apologized yet. I can't believe I was so idiotic as to actually take that call. T_T Of course I couldn't tell him I was mad at her, otherwise they might impose a worse curfew on me, but eh. I will not surrender. I'm too stressed as it is from all this stupid shit they're throwing at me; I am NOT going to apologize first.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I never apologize for the important shit. Or if I do apologize, and you think I actually mean it, then good for you. Gullible little fuckwad.

Honestly. You can't expect a kid to be BORN responsible. You also can't expect someone who was responsible back then to always STAY that way.

But enough of that.

My Premium Membership is about to expire! D: Ohnoes. This isn't fair. D: Ah well. It was fun while it lasted. XD At least I got to abuse the Journal Skins feature! Haha. XD

I still haven't finished the stupid concept papers I have to finish this weekend. Mine and his. D: Almost done with his, though, and I just need to put some finishing touches on mine. Yay. XD

I miss you. T_T Call me. Please. I'm dying from boredom here. :(

Waha. There is nothing to drink, and my mouth is so damn dry. GAAH. I may create a random list later on. :D

~ tRS

PHOOEY.

Jeez. Shut up, you motherfucking cunt-faced piece of shit.

--

So I'm boycotting my mother. So far she hasn't called too many times, but when she does I don't answer. Yes, I'm planning to do this until she realizes that I want my old privileges back. No, I will not back down. And fuck yeah, I'm pissed off.

You know, if you wanted us to grow up responsible and without the need for maids, you shouldn't have fucking brought us up with the damn maids. :|

Also, if you think that making me pissed off will improve my grades, think again. Try actually thinking.

I excel when I feel like excelling. If I don't feel like doing something, I sure as hell won't do it. If you make me do it, I sure as hell won't put in any effort.

Get that in your thick skull one of these days, why don't you?

And DON'T lecture me about how I'm throwing my life away, and all that crap. I know you'd never let that happen; that's why you're giving me all those damn rules.

But don't you ever underestimate my ability to throw it away, permanently. I'm not suicidal, honestly. But I can do it if I need to. I'm not desperately holding on to anything, and I long ago lost any sense of duty I ever had. You can't stop me, if I really want to. Just be grateful I haven't been pushed over the edge yet.

--

On the other hand. ... actually, I forgot what I was going to say. XD Anyway.

EDIT: First sentence was not directed at my mom. Rather, at my maid. Subhuman little cretin.

~tRS

*HIKBI*

Okay, I'm not really sobbing. Haha. It's just a funny word. XD

I found out several things today:

1. I do resent my parents, and forever will.

2. I'm getting more irresponsible, the unhappier I am.

3. Some people are real cuntheads. And I don't say that word carelessly.

4. Some people have are patterned sluts. Gosh. You guys haven't noticed? She's been doing that ever since... ***** and you haven't figured out she's just... GAH.

5. The people above who haven't figured it out, and stereotype based on that, are idiots.

6. I wouldn't know what to do, actually, if I were in.. any of those situations.

*sigh* Maybe, just maybe, people are really idiots.

ON THE UPSIDE. I got a Daily Deviation!!!!!!!!! I swear to god, I was so freaked out and happy when I found out. O_O

(Well, that's all I can say for now. Curfew.)

~tRS

Paper Cats

9-9-10

So, Tañah, I will fold you at LEAST 15 differently-colored and sized paper cats, put them in a basket, and wrap that with wrapping paper covered in BOATS, since you love those so much.



KIDDING. XD
Well, not about the cats part. XD

But I'll get you a bracelet, too. (:

Don't stay depressed, Bee. We're still here for you.
Don't worry, we'll fry that stupid piggy and feed his lard to the midget. ;]

~~

So anyway. X3

I'm going back to Manila for the weekend, yay me. X3

I have a dentist appointment, though. D: Damnit.

Oh well. MUST COOK FOR FIL. O____O

~~

I wanted EGYPT so badly, damnit. TT_TT Why can we not exchange with Neon? ):

WAAAH~

~~

SHUT UP. I AM NOT LISTENING TO YOUR STUPID SERMON.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE HEARD THIS DAMN LECTURE? YOUR ARGUMENTS ARE

ALL

THE

FREAKING

SAME. |:

*peeved*

~~

I'm still happy, though. X3

Bambi is going out tomorrow and getting me -- us -- the waveboard. YAAAAY

Confusion. Argh.

We have pizza for dinner tonight. XD

Strange thing, though: When I was going to get a plate to put my pizza on, I took a glass instead, filled it up with Coke, and balanced my pizza on the brim.

And I didn't freak out until I'd finished two slices that way. O_O

More surprisingly: I'M ON MY THIRD SLICE OF PIZZA, PEOPLE. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.

Maybe I'm just suffering from withdrawal. o__o

Whatever's happening. it's weird. Weirder than ME.

~tRS

...

Maybe I get to be happy this time around.

O_O

I. WANT. THIS.

Too much to hope for?

I'm not gonna be specific about what this is supposed to be about. I'm guessing some people will know, though. :)

I'm not going to jump to conclusions as of now. I'm gonna play it safe, wait it out, and then go and see where this takes us-- or rather, me.

Sweetie, tell me what's up; I won't stop, no way.

Oh well. Enough about my rollercoaster-nutso-confusingasshit-life. I'm just fine to be able to blog again.

Yeah, sure, I'll call it blogging for now. X3 Though I've come to regard that word as sort of vulgar.

Please keep your hands down, and stop raising your voice; it's hardly what I'd be doin', if you gave me the choice.

Anyway. I was going to eat KitKat, then I remembered something, so I put it back in the ref. X3 I was gonna eat Crunch, too, but I had to put it back.

Damnit. I need chocolate, but the only chocolates in here are the ones.. Argh. TT_TT

It's a simple suggestion, won't you give me some time? Just say yes or no; Why can't you shoulder the blame?

It's a frighteningly new concept for me, this "not telling everything." It's awkward not to spill. I mean, really. o-o

I'm so used to saying everything, and blathering on and on and on. I think maybe I trusted people too much.

My shoulders are heavy, from the weight of us both.

But was that so wrong? I actually think it was better when I trusted everyone, than if I never trusted anyone at all.

See, I trust everyone automatically, on principle. If they break that trust, it'll take ages for them to earn it back, but it's not impossible. If they break it a second time, well. They'd best be good at losing friends.

Please take it easy, it can all be my fault; I haven't made half the mistakes that you've listed so far.

My head aches now. D: MUST. HAVE. VASODILATORS. :(

Why, why, WHY must the only ones we have in this apartment be those chocolates?! ARGH. TT_TT I feel so sad right now. :(

It seems I've stepped over lines you've drawn again and again.

I've been drinking water non-stop for the past forty minutes, in an effort to [at first] prevent the headache I knew would track me down (Yes, my darling Romeo, I have caught on to you) and then [just recently] to try and destroy it. (I love you, I do. But we're just not meant to be. I'm sorry. #drama)

Well, that's as overly-mushy I can make myself without barfing up my own intestines. X3 I apologize for the lame attempts at what passes for romance, apparently, these days.

~

Some things, we don't talk about; rather do without

And just hold the smile

So anyway. I have a premium membership! :D I was so happy when I won the contest. I was fizzing out, too. I mean, WHOA. I never expected THAT. O_e

I don't expect everyone to like my style of writing (it varies with my moods, actually, so good luck trying to keep up) but.. for some reason, when I heard you actually liked it, it kind of.. hurt.

I'm not being unappreciative of you liking my writing... just... *sigh* It's just that.. whenever you tell me you do like it, you sound like you're saying just to cheer me up. And you know how crappy that makes me feel.

And then I start to remember how you wouldn't even let me get a blog, when behind my back, you were... *sigh* Oh, nevermind. What's the use?

~

Isn't she lucky, this Hollywood girl?

"Boys know how to fall. That's why they're not scared."

You forgot something, K. Boys know how to push, too. :/

And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning; But tell me, what happens when it stops?

I wonder what it's like to be one of the characters I write about. Either I'm full of sorrow, or... full of fluff.

Not a pretty picture.

Unless I can paint it with words, maybe.

You don't know me; you don't wear my chains.

I feel like ranting about an ex-friend, for some reason. (>_<)

I hate you precisely because it was you. I can honestly say that; it may not have been all your fault, but you need to take a huge part of the blame. You ruined us, honestly. At least, I think, even without us (and especially, YOU) being conscious of it, you destroyed us. You made us into what we are. Trust-less. Love-less. Care-less. Useless.

I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.

I think I need a sunrise; I'm tired of the sunset.

I think maybe I really am excited to grow up. Maybe it'll be easier not to care about other people when I'm old enough that they won't put much effort into caring about me.

Oh, Romeo. If only I COULD put myself in a coma and then stab myself in the heart.

Maybe then betrayal wouldn't hurt so much.

~

Falling in and out of love; ashamed and proud of--

I'm sending my parents the consent forms later. :D

I want a motorcycle for my sixteenth! (>_<)

Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go~

One and a half hours. WHOA.

I can't believe this. .__.

Oh well. (: I think this entry's long enough. I must rest my eyes now.

~tRS