I'm not a table at a fancy restaurant.

Stop thinking you've got a fucking reservation on me, okay?

Do you know that I'm not even obligated to give a crap? I could just totally not care about all of this. And yet I choose to, dyou know why? It's 'cause I do care. I'm too nice, and I really don't want anyone to get hurt, and that's my fatal flaw. Yeah, it is. I'm trying to keep this all together, okay? So just shut the fuck up for once, leave me alone, stop fucking judging me, and actually learn to understand why I do what I do. Got it?

And people, finish your sentences, please? At least sixteen people today have talked to me, and not finished many of their goddamn sentences. Just spit out the goddamn words.

Okay, this doesn't go out to just ONE person. Okay? This entire blog post goes out to several people. You know who you are.

--out.

Pizzazz.

Planning your surprise is sooo hectic. Well, not really. But sorta, yeah. XD In some sense.

But izzokei. I'm cool with that, as long as it gets ya happy. :D

Erm. Hmm.

How do I feel right now?

I feel.. ecstatic. :>

I've finally settled most of the issues that need to be settled. I had to maneuver REALLY stealthily to do it, but.. I got it done. Gah, I'm loving this. I'm sooooo loving this.

I'm haaaaappy. Really. Very. Truly. Happy. For once! I'm significantly less stressed!

.. Of course, I'll have to be very very stealthy nowadays, but hey. Any chance to practice my ninja skills is a go. :D

I gotta goooo. Sadly.

Goobai~

Cookie

Okaay. So. Eighteen minutes left 'til my best friend turns sixteeeen.

You, my dear, shall then be a year older than me, by a day. OLDIE! =)))

For some reason, I both cannot believe that we stuck it out so long.. and yet it seems the most natural thing in the world. Seven years we've known each other, and we're still.. wow. And for three of those seven years, we'd only seen each other several times in the entire year. We've only ever really had one fight, and .. whoa.

Though I know it's pretty damn obvious, I'd still like to say that you, Meliza Mercado dela Paz, are my favorite person in the entire world. >:D<

Smart, funny, witty, wacky, weird, beautiful, cute, petite, temperamental, unpredictable, honest, awesome, and just absolutely crazy-amazing. You are, quite simply, the best.

The best friend I could ever have asked for, but didn't, 'cause I never really thought anyone as wonderful as you was going to pop in my life. AND YET. There you were. (:

We've been through some really weird times together, you know. I don't want to list em all down here, 'cause putting down every single awesome experience with you.. would take much too long. But I remember the pizza slice, and the "Forever?" comment, and square not being a shape, and us criticizing the windy vegetable, and us being right and wrong and that stupid grey area in between.

Gaaahh. I want to somehow Apparate into your house and just hug you and crumble your ribs into speckles on your torso, to show you just how much you mean to me. But I'm underage; I can't do that yet. I don't want [us] to get Splinched. D:

So I shall settle for this blog entry on you, and a call. Two minutes!

..damn, I type slow. XD

~ love from,

the one who'd happily be your best friend 'til we both grow old and raisin-faced.

Nordic Ice

It's a quarter after one, I'm al little drunk and I need you now.

I said I wouldn't call, but I've lost all control, and I need you now.

And I don't know how I can do without;

I just need you now.

I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

You know what, screw you.

I said that so you wouldn't get hurt. I wanted to make sure you were alright. You know me, you know I'm like that, you know even if my life depended on the truth I would lie my ass off just to make you believe something that would keep you alive.

You say you want me, you need me, you fucking love me.

Then you should be able to wait for me.

I'd acquiesce if you stopped forcing me to do shit. So just fucking stop, or nothing's ever gonna get done.

You know how stubborn I am, you know even if I meant to do something, and you force me to do it for reasons of your own, for you, I wouldn't. I wouldn't, even if I had to, even if I wanted to.

I wouldn't, for the sole reason that YOU want me to do it. I wouldn't, if you were forcing me to. There is, has always been, and always will be, no other reason than that. If you request, I might If you force, I won't. No matter what. Get used to it.

So all in all, just stop. Stop or I swear to god, I will make you regret this. And I mean it this time. Get off my back. Do that, and maybe this can be cleaned up. Otherwise.. I'll mess you up, on purpose. You know I can do that.

--out.

Three days, huh?

Okay you know what, I'm sorry. I really am.

I wanted this blog to say a lot more, but.. I think I've already told you everything that needs to be said. And I meant it, honestly I did.

*sigh*

I'm making you miserable. I do not want that.

I want to be a better person. God knows, a lot more people would be happy about that. I just want to be able to make sure you're alright. With or without me.

You deserve to know how much better your life could become without me. I swear.

I want to give you that. I want that, for you. I want you to be happy. And being with me does not make you happy, we both know that.

And if I'll need to be a different person, so be it. But don't put an arbitrary line down on my life, please.

I need to be better. You need me to be better. I can make no promises, but I can try. Screw Yoda, I'm gonna fucking try. Because I know you deserve at least that much.

This mess of a relationship deserves a fighting chance. But that's not going to happen if we're the way we are now. We need to get out of this rut. And to do that, we'll need to pull out all the stops and just.. get loose first.

I need this. I need to see if I'm alright, without you. I've completely forgotten what the flipside is like. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this, but I'm going to try not to hurt you, I promise.

Please, just let me have that? Please just try to live without me, and live as much as you can, and then. Then tell me that you can't live without me, that you need me and want me and love me as much as you do. Because without that, I don't think I can handle this anymore.

Without you proving that, I think I'd most likely break down. I'd run away, you know that. You know me too well. Better than almost anyone. And you know that if I can't take it, I'm going to just take the easy way out and run away, as far as I could, as fast as I could. Because I don't know how to deal with it in any other way.

And, years from now, I'd regret it. I'd be sorry, sorrier than I've ever been, sorrier, even, than I am now. I'd feel like I betrayed you somehow. I'd feel like crap.

I don't want to do that to you. So you need to let me go and try and be a better person first. Because if we just go on the way we are now, we're not gonna get anywhere. I'd just leave and look back when it's too late to turn around. That's not right.

So don't do this to me, please. Give me more time. Let me be me first. I can't do anything, otherwise.

\\\

And, straying away from the heartfelt emotions.

DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING THINK OF DOING THAT SUICIDE THREAT THINGY AGAIN, DIPSHIT. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE THAT. IF YOU FUCKING DO THAT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET IT. I'M GOING TO GO RIGHT UP TO YOU AND PUNCH YOUR SMUG BASTARDLY FACE THE HELL OUT. YOU FUCKING DICKWAD, DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE. COMPRENDEZ-VOUS?

\\\

You were wild and crazy

just so frustrating

intoxicating

complicated

got away by some mistake--

\\\

I think that's about it, really.

I hope this isn't a false alarm.

I think that's all I've got to say right now. (:

I think it was obvious that it was gonna happen sometime soon, anyway, too.

Aww, jeez. And right after Sir O just said "I predict you will be together forever." Hahaha. Oh, somebody better remember not to put him in charge of fortune cookies. :P

Hrm. Yezzuh.

(I'm gonna go listen to WtK and ARttM and ALT and um. Some other songs right now.)

Weeee.

Phase One: Initiated.

I think maybe, in some way, deep down, it really was all planned out like this. Of course, there will always be room in my heart for spontaneity, and random improvisation, and crazy-amazing, out-of-this-world, wacko little flashes of brilliant surprise. But as I said. It seems planned out.

It's mapped out, somewhere between my mind and my heart and the lungs that make me gasp a little and the nerve endings that make me tingle all over. It's just there. I can't say I can figure it all out (hell no, that's the fun of it) but it's a vague sort of assurance, yes.

*smile*

----------

Okay, the sentimental girly-girl within me is gone for now. Time for the insane freak to appear.

ZOMGWTFBBQWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.

I. Have. Danger Days. OHMYGOD this just made my day. And my week. And my month. And possibly my year, and forever after, amen.

HOLY CRAP I HAVE DANGERDAYS.

MOTHERFLIPPIN DANGER DAYS.

OHMYGOOOOOOOOOD.

*drool*

I'm so happy right now. Extremely excited, too. But mostly just GODDAMN EXCITED AND FUCKING HAPPY. GAAAAAH.

*spazz*

----------

It's a rare moment when my words can't define what I'm feeling, and that means that my emotions are pretty damn intense just then.

SO, lemme tell ya. At that moment, that singular fantabulous amazing butterfly-fizzy point in time, I was eqiugbwebgiu34thorgniu5ghworn24ut209th4bgrbjgvs-w-------

X3

Seriously. Swear to god, that is true. My whole world just sort of flipped upside down and inside out and went right back again within a fraction of a fraction of a flippin' fraction of a second.

KYAAAA.

----------

Nessie: My answer remains, NO COMMENT. Though I will say that it is very possible. More than very, actually. :P

----------

Screaming Danger Heart, out. Leather Extermination, I miss you. (:

Why does love always feel like a battlefield~

Haha. Cool title. XD

Anyway. My head hurts! That means Romeo, my amazing headache, has at last returned to his rightful place behind my retinas and between my temples. Lovely.

I need a severely high dosage of chocolate and coffee and grapes and peppermint and cinnamon and hugs and teddy bears and certain people right now. D'awwww. [I'm lookin' at you, mister. Hahahaa.]

But let's move on. Keep this show goin'!

I think my taste in music is changing. Ohnooooes. D: I'm.. well. I'm just weird like that, I guess. XD And for some reason, I really want to be able to change my hair length and color and eye shape and color and... yeah. I just want to be.. different. I want to be not-me. I just want.. yeah.

Is it weird, me talking about wanting to change? I mean, I'm like, the ONE person I know who is insanely adverse to any sort of change, at ALL. And here I am, blathering on and on about wanting to be different.

Maybe Romeo's working his magic, and I'm just going insane.

(Like I wasn't already.)

You know what I just realized? Looking at models, haphazardly, and seeing their stick thin figures and their cold, unsmiling faces, and their haughty gestures, for some reason.. it makes me feel a little better. Haha. "Gah, so pretty. Wow." [Yeah, I'm weird. Shattap.]

Hrm. What else is there to say? Oh, dear.

Well. I'm intensely grateful for the fact that though there are those who'd say things against me, there are others (and I love you for it) who would adamantly defend me. There are those who would disagree. There are those who believe in me. Gosh, you would not be able to fathom the depths of my gratefulness to you, for that. Fathom just how much I LOVE YOU for that. Just how much it means to me. Really.

And I suppose, if it had to be like this, every day for the rest of my life, with me just knowing you're there.. well then, I suppose it wouldn't be that bad. No matter what hell I go through (And yeah, I go through it a lot. Haha), I'll be fine. You've got my back, right?

So this goes out to all of you. You guys who've put up with my wild, endless, uncontrollable insanity. My unpredictability. Every single one of you who've stuck with me for this long, and who would stick with me no matter what. We're like peanut butter and jelly! Peas and carrots! Fish and chips? Hot chocolate and marshmallows? PIZZA AND CHICKEN. OH MY GOD I AM SO HUNGRY.

But seriously. You guys are the best. X3

I'm only up when you're not down,

don't want to fly if you're still on the ground;

it's like no matter what I do--

Well, you drive me crazy half the time,

the other half, I'm only trying

to let you know that what I feel is true--

and I'm only me,

when I want to be;

and I'm only me when I'm with you~

*SUPERMEGAULTRATREMENDOUSLYRIBCRUSHINGLUNGDESTROYINGFANTABULOUSLYFANTASTICGRIZZLYBEARHUG*

*ahem*

I think that's about it, really. XD

Can I just please OD on hugs right now? Oh and all that stuff I mentioned earlier. I'd like around 5 million cc's of that, as well. X3

Goodbyeeeee~~~

Happy New Year, BIATCH.

I last took a bath last year

changed my clothes last year

told you I loved you last year

hugged someone last year

smiled last year.

Yesterday is so last year. XD

Hahaha. That's all I've got to say, I guess. :)

My mind is a blank sheet of paper, and I feel like crumpling it all up.