Three days, huh?

Okay you know what, I'm sorry. I really am.

I wanted this blog to say a lot more, but.. I think I've already told you everything that needs to be said. And I meant it, honestly I did.

*sigh*

I'm making you miserable. I do not want that.

I want to be a better person. God knows, a lot more people would be happy about that. I just want to be able to make sure you're alright. With or without me.

You deserve to know how much better your life could become without me. I swear.

I want to give you that. I want that, for you. I want you to be happy. And being with me does not make you happy, we both know that.

And if I'll need to be a different person, so be it. But don't put an arbitrary line down on my life, please.

I need to be better. You need me to be better. I can make no promises, but I can try. Screw Yoda, I'm gonna fucking try. Because I know you deserve at least that much.

This mess of a relationship deserves a fighting chance. But that's not going to happen if we're the way we are now. We need to get out of this rut. And to do that, we'll need to pull out all the stops and just.. get loose first.

I need this. I need to see if I'm alright, without you. I've completely forgotten what the flipside is like. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this, but I'm going to try not to hurt you, I promise.

Please, just let me have that? Please just try to live without me, and live as much as you can, and then. Then tell me that you can't live without me, that you need me and want me and love me as much as you do. Because without that, I don't think I can handle this anymore.

Without you proving that, I think I'd most likely break down. I'd run away, you know that. You know me too well. Better than almost anyone. And you know that if I can't take it, I'm going to just take the easy way out and run away, as far as I could, as fast as I could. Because I don't know how to deal with it in any other way.

And, years from now, I'd regret it. I'd be sorry, sorrier than I've ever been, sorrier, even, than I am now. I'd feel like I betrayed you somehow. I'd feel like crap.

I don't want to do that to you. So you need to let me go and try and be a better person first. Because if we just go on the way we are now, we're not gonna get anywhere. I'd just leave and look back when it's too late to turn around. That's not right.

So don't do this to me, please. Give me more time. Let me be me first. I can't do anything, otherwise.

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And, straying away from the heartfelt emotions.

DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING THINK OF DOING THAT SUICIDE THREAT THINGY AGAIN, DIPSHIT. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE THAT. IF YOU FUCKING DO THAT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET IT. I'M GOING TO GO RIGHT UP TO YOU AND PUNCH YOUR SMUG BASTARDLY FACE THE HELL OUT. YOU FUCKING DICKWAD, DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE. COMPRENDEZ-VOUS?

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You were wild and crazy

just so frustrating

intoxicating

complicated

got away by some mistake--

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I think that's about it, really.