Maybe.

Okay, so maybe I don't want to be stuck in a rut my whole life. It's a huge mess.

Showed my cards, gave you my heart;

wish we could start all over,

nothing's making sense at all.

Trying to open up my eyes, I'm hoping

for a chance to make it alright~

So once I get the chance, I'm gonna start all over, and be different, and finally, finally, try to be happy again. You know why? Because happiness isn't supposed to be fragile. Happiness doesn't come with bruises and anger and resentment and scars and twisted, twisted lies. Happiness should be true.

I need another story-

something to get off my chest.

My life gets kind of boring,

need something that I can confess,

'til all my sleeves are stained red

from all the truth that I've said.

Come by it honestly, I swear--

thought I saw you wink, no,

I've been on the brink, so

tell me what you want to hear~

True-- something I haven't been completely, in a long, long time. So much of my life has been focused on keeping at least something from someone. I don't want to be like that anymore. I want, for once, to be able to tell someone the whole truth. I want, for once, not to be judged. It's a pretty crappy dream, considering the kind of world we live in, but hey. Let me be, aryt?

And all the best lies,

they are told with fingers tied.

So cross 'em tight,

won't you promise me tonight

if it's the last thing you do, you'll get out?

Well, anyway. I'm going to be Lorelai and play it cool. Let me get a gun and a rope and I'll whip your pretty little antlers into shape. Because honey, your best feature will always be your legs-and they were made for running away. Try as hard as you can, but that antler-gained "bravery" is just front. They'll get caught in a thicket sooner or later. And I'll be smiling when they do.

And I'm getting bored waiting 'round for you;

we're not getting any younger.

And I won't look back, 'cause

there's no use.

It's time to move forward~

So, anyway. I'm not okay with letting go of my secrecy, though. I mean, it's been such a huge part of my life. But hey, that's what letting go is about, right? Besides. Who knows, I might like wearing my heart on my sleeve. I could start a new trend. ;)

It's the way you do the things you do,

that make me fall in love with you~

To all the people that love me for who I am.. I'm sorry. I may change for the better, or the worse. And I'm changing for myself this time. Make a note of that. It may take forever or a day, but it'll happen. I'm sure.

Don't be so sentimental, no--

this love was accidental, so

give it up, this was never meant to be

more than a memory for you~

To all those people who love me as I am.. you guys are the best. I'll always be me, somehow. Just.. a different kind of me. Dyou get that? I.. hope you're okay with that.

Gosh, I feel like I'm disappointing you all. I mean, you're so used to me being random and weird and slightly loner-esque and moody, and now, suddenly, I announce to the world that I'm going to change? Hell.

Don't worry. It'll take time. Besides. I won't be so different. I hope. (:

Rhinosaur!

Hahaha. Well, today I cut the latter half of my classes and left to go to the airport, which I subsequently left to go to Manila! And here I am now, back in my house. Oh, I love it here.

Love love love love loooove it here! (:

Rhinosaur. It's apparently a new animal created by my sister out of the depths of her imagination, the spawn of a Freudian Slip and a lack of sense. I love my sister! Hahahahaa.

Okay, so maybe I'm just extra happy right now because I'm drinking raspberry cordial and eating a Snickers bar (Hungry? Haha) and my daddy's playing Chopin on the piano, and we're gonna watch Gilmore girls in a few, and there are Christmas decorations all 'round, and everything's just so lovelovelovely. :D

Gosh. I really need to stay here more. I think I'd be in a better mood than I usually am. X3 Oh well. No complaining! Complaints sour my mood, and nothing has to make it bad tonight. (:

--

I'm going to keep daydreaming here; maybe I'll get lucky.

--

"You're like a mythological creature that casts some kind of spell on me that makes me act stupid. I'm not stupid! I don't act stupid with anyone else!"

Aww. Max Medina looks funny, and he's kind of irritating, but.. that line was pretty damn sweet. WOOH.

~

Changed my mind. He's a wuss. -__-

--

Good mood, ruined. Watching shit to keep me sane. I'm gonna raid the 'cellar tonight. Fuck off, bitches.

Peevish

ARGH. My internet is so damn s l o w ! ! !

Aside from that, I have like, zero signal. -__- I need my mom to call! I need to freaking print my ticket! AND I have to freaking pack! AND I have to freaking study!!

I am soooo peeved right now. >_<

It doesn't help that my Coke tastes like liquid cardboard, or that my stuff is such a mess. And to add to the damage, my special, pretty twisty paper memo pad is now broken. FUCK.

--

My flight tomorrow is at two. I'm leaving school at lunchtime, yay. XD Haha. That means I'll miss.. Health, Soc, and Fil. O_e Oh well. Not that hard to make up for em. :D

--

We had the badminton tournament today. I played once; went up against Bea, lost 17 - 21. Good 'nuff for me.

--

Reading Cracked to try and cheer myself up. It's not.. really.. working. :/

--

"Maybe you're wasting all your time looking for Mr. Perfect when all you needed was Mr. Right." Aww. Haha. I know some people like that. ;)

(Not one of them, though. I for one know what it's like to be completely, absolutely imperfect, and still be somewhat okay. Besides. Bambi is awesome. *thumbs up* Woohoo)

--

I think that's all I have time to rant on. >_> I have to leave. FUUDGE. Bye~

Marionettes.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

That phrase just jumped off the top of my head. Seriously, it took a bungee rope and dived headfirst onto my fingers and into the screen. Haha.

Gosh, I really need Coke right now. Like, a lot of it. o-o I'm really, really Coke-thirsty. Oh well.

I have such a huge list of things to do tonight! WAHA.

- Physics take-home problem set. Thank goodness I photocopied Bambi's copy of the problems. Phew!

- Figuring out what kind of people use the right Shift key. O_e Haha.

- Painting the frame of our Soc project gold. I love painting! If we weren't so pressed for time, I'd have more fun.

- Sort through the comments in my dA and try to lessen the onslaught of incoming Deviant messages. O_O

- Try fixing my snake's nest bag. It's almost (hear that, ALMOST) as insanely nasty as Bambi's. And that is SCARY.

- Look for Coke. I want Coke! (>_<)

- A lot of other things that I can't really list down right now, 'cause it's curfew and I have to leave.

WAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. G'bye. (:

Grape

Hrm. Right now I am eating grape-flavored Laffy Taffy, and it's raining. (: Not so hard that I'm happy, but good enough that I'm.. content. :D

Well. I don't want to spoil the movie for you guys, but I'll tell you what you all should know by now:

DEATHLY HALLOWS WAS FUCKING AWESOME.

It totally did NOT disappoint. Mostly everything was done, for want of a better phrase, by the book. Haha.

I don't want to elaborate too much, except that I was kind of disappointed that one crucial line was left out..

"Cinderella? What's that, a disease?"

Ahh, Ron. You will always be a goof. But that's his charm, I guess? I don't know who it works on, though. =)) Maybe Hermione? Meh. I hate that shipping!

Which brings to mind another scene that wasn't quite in tune with the book..

HARRY-HERMIONE FTW. I love that cute little dancing scene. O_O

Also. Emma Watson is INSANELY pretty! Honestly. Oh, damn. I wonder how they'll be once it finally ends. :( God, I'll miss it. Waha.

Oh well. In the words of Nelly Furtado.. Why do all good things come to an end?

But I suppose it's for the better. They'll need to mature as actors, too. We'll be supporting them all the way! :D

--

I've got to do my Soc project, too. Waha. Making arts and crafts things is EASY. Thinking of a "talent" is insanely difficult. O_O What to do, what to do, what to do?! TT_TT

--

And now my eye is crinkling up, as it always does after I eat something sour. XD I shall leave you guys to do whatever it is you do on weekends when the sun don't shine. Haha.

Bye~

Another random survey. :D

Do you ever wish you were James Bond?
--In the words of alkalineuh, FUCK YES. Secret agent, money, sex, gadgets, nigh-immortality, franchise... dude. DUDE. Who could top that? ....Oh yeah. Lara Croft. XD

Who's the one person, family not included, whom you can count on no matter what?
--Aside from my best friend... I have no idea. I honestly don't.

Champagne's not all it's cracked up to be, agreed?
--WHAT. Not true! O_O

Would it hurt to see the last person you had sex with kiss someone else?
--This question is null and void. :D

Will you always love your first love, no matter what?
--... Fuck you. Haha. Yes, though. I will always love him. Not necessarily be IN love, though. :)

How many times have you been to A&E? Like, the channel?
--What IS that? Hahaha.

Have you ever cried over something stupid, like breaking a nail or dropping a pen?
--I've cried over things that seem stupid to some intensely insensitive people (I'm looking at YOU, with the blue-rimmed glasses) but they weren't to me, that's why I cried, obviously.

Bright coloured jeans: cute or not?
--Depends who's wearing em. :D

Why do some people only like bands or styles that aren't popular, and stop listening to a band as soon as "everyone else likes them"?
--Because! The bands change their music to fit the mainstream when that happens. Plus, listening to bands no one else knows makes you feel loner-esque and special. You lose your "originality" when everyone else jumps on the bandwagon.

Have you ever found that those who claim to be "unique," are often the biggest followers of trends themselves?
--No. They'd be redundant. And being redundant, and calling yourself unique, is once again redundant. Thus, they're not unique.

Would you ever get your hair dyed a fluorescent color?
Maybe. No, wait. It would look like shit against my skintone. Nevermind.

What would you do if your best friend was dating a controlling guy?
--If she complained about it? Kick his crotch, then his throat (it hurts, trust me) then his face.

If you had to, which foreign country would you move to?
--Iceland? Italy? AUSTRALIA. :D

Could you eat 6 pizzas in a row, and still be hungry?
--If I'd been starved for years? Yes. XD

Do know anyone who's pregnant?
--Yup! Haha.

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
--Autumn! (: I love love LOVE that season.

When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
--Yesterday? Oh, wait I hugged him. I have no idea, then. :/ Meh.

Plans for tomorrow?
--Getting gifts for my SP. :D

What were you doing 2 hours ago?
--Reading stuff. Haha.

Do you like the ocean?
--LOVE IT! (:

Was the first person you talked to today male or female?
--Female; myself. Hahahahaha.

Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
--Wynken! Haha.

What woke you up this morning?
--My intrinsic school-sense that tells me to wake up at 6 everyday. Unfortunately. >_>

Do you know anyone named Lucy?
--Absolutely not. I wish I did, though. D: Then I could call her "Luc" but pronounce it "Loose." XD

Do you wear glasses?
--Shades? Sometimes. Spectacles? Only my boyfriend's. :D

Are you currently jealous?
--Um, fuck you. (No, though. Don't ask why. You won't like my answer)

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

--Sure. I never have, and I never will.

Have you ever in any way been betrayed by someone you trust?
--Yup. Lemme tell ya, that hurt.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
--12. I finished reading His Dark Materials. :D

Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii?
--GREECE! Super-nice people, super-great food, super-awesome sightseeing opportunities! Plus the ocean is like, everywhere. XD

If you were a crayon what color would you be?
--Turquoise, maybe. And NO, NOT THE TURTLE. THAT'S TORTOISE. Hahaha.

How is the weather right now?
--Sunny, slightly cloudy. Yuck.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
--My mom. :D

Ever cried for no reason?
--Absolutely not. The reason could be idiotic (to the boy with blue-rimmed glasses) but it's a reason all the same. (:

How many pillows do you sleep with?

--Here? Three. Everywhere else? Eight. (:

Are you missing someone?
--This is the third time I'm going to say FUCK YOU.

Strawberry~

Have you ever eaten strawberry ice cream? o-o The Selecta Gold Series is especially yummy. I swear! XD

Anyway. I don't know why, but I felt like blogging again. Wooh. Yay me.

We presented in Soc. today. :D And it was SO improvised, I swear. I had to keep reminding everyone that they actually had to SPEAK. Using Tañah, of course. Hahaha.

I'm getting a little better at writing six-word stories. Maybe I'll make that my talent for the next Soc. presentation? XD Because otherwise, I swear to god I do not have one. O_O I am so hopeless! Oh, silly, stupid, talentless me.

I am insanely excited for HP7. YAY!! It's in one week. ONE WEEK!! *dance*

DID YOU KNOW-- My watchers grow so exponentially, it astounds me. dA-wise, of course. I mean, really. I never honestly thought that.. people would like my work that much. REALLY. 'Cause.. I mean. My parents don't even know I write. My best friend is way awesomer than me. My close friends don't know, and I don't think they'd really care. My boyfriend.. well. He's kind of required to like what I write, isn't he? ;) (YES, YES YOU ARE.)

So it's pretty refreshing.. gratifying.. flattering.. surprising.. AMAZING to see that complete strangers, even those whose works and personalities are WAY out of my league, actually think my stuff is worth reading. It really, really is. (:

Oh, well. Enough of me getting all sentimental and parinig. X3

I'm slightly panicking about physics. I really hope I remember to study tonight. XD Hahaha. Oh well. ICE CREAM INSPIRATION FTW.

And, once again.

SOFIA LOVES PUPPIES! (:

I think that's pretty much it, yeah. Wooh. Bye~

Venti

Haha, my title is a pun. Sort of. :D It's ambiguous, and I like that. A lot.

So, anyway. This sem break was good. Really, really good. (that's ambiguous, too) :) Y'know what. I'm beginning to be optimistic again. And not in a cynical way, either. Maybe I'm changing. Well, whatever happened to me, I like it.

Maybe I just needed to be cheered up, maybe I was always changing. Whatever it was, it was good.
And I meant cheered up in the sense that... well. Different people cheer me up in different ways. Maybe I just needed to be cheered up in a certain way. Maybe, if I stay cheery, maybe I'll actually learn to be happy again. (:

Well, enough about that. I guess I'm growing a little bit meaner, too. Or maybe I'm just PMS-ing. XD Hahaha. I don't know why, but when you decide on one thing completely against me... well, just be ready to go it alone, or at least, without me. Because in no way will I participate.

You can say that's immature. Well, let me be immature. You're not supposed to care about me. If you did care, you wouldn't have decided on that, when it was so completely against me. So.. why would you care if I was being immature or idiotic? You don't care about what I want, or even my opinion. So don't rattle off some bullshit about how you're doing it 'cause you care. Lousy, lying hypocrite.

(Also, for those self-loving, hedonistic fools out there: THAT'S NOT DIRECTED AT YOU. The person it's directed at probably won't even read it. CHILL)

So anyway. I read this awesome article on Cracked, telling me how words can control your mind. That thing about the colors was SO true! And I loved the crack at EL TENEDOR! Hahahaha.

Oooh, I love this. Getting my mind off irritating things. (: Oh, I love returning to my optimism. (:

I feel kind of sad, though, that Nikole probably won't be able to stay for my birthday. D: Oh well. Good chance I'll get back there next Easter. That is, if me and Sofia are back from Italy by then. I am seriously excited. SERIOUSLY.

Why? Because Sofia and I bond differently from usual sisters. We've gone through the entire 'I HATE YOU!' phase, and the fighting, and the yelling, and the tattling. We went through all that, intensely, in like, six years. Most people go through it, moderately, their whole lives. Personally, I think we were lucky. This ensures that we will never fight again, ever. (: And I'm so happy!

Plus, I get to climb. AND eat all the good stuff. AND ride a gondola. AND go sightseeing! AND make new friends. GOSH I am so excited! Wooh. WOOOH. Hahaha.

I think I actually do want a venti. Caramel cream, no whip, extra drizzle. My usual! Or maybe vanilla, with a dash of hazelnut. Gosh, I love coffee. I really, really do. I need it too, sometimes. D: I can't get Starbucks here, though. Waha. Maybe someday.

Also. I just realized. Maybe I really want to go to UM for college. Maybe somewhere in London. I do know that I want to go somewhere that isn't insanely religious and conservative. I've had enough of that my entire life. So.. yeah. Excited for that, too! (:

I'll buy my SP gifts this weekend, maybe. Haha. Ouch, my fingertip hurts. D: Waha.

I love butter caramel XO. :D

I think this is all I've got to say. That, and.. I'm really craving some Milo right now. Just a bit. XD (ambiguous again! I love this)
Oh, and..

SOFIA LOVES PUPPIES! Especially puppies that like pizza. And shuttlecocks. And mistake Italy for Paris. XD Wow, I hope her puppy gets potty-trained.... Kidding. Hahaha.

Anyway. Curfew now. Good night! :D

(As for my previous post.... I think I take some of it back, now. I was carried away. Not saying WHICH previous post this is, though. Wooh)

~

Shit.

I'm.. freaking out. I am totally freaking out. FUCK.

This cannot happen. Shit.

If this happens.. I will seriously, seriously have a breakdown.

I will seriously, seriously do something drastic. I will not.. let this happen without my trusty emotions getting involved.

Time to bring out the Swiss.

With their Army.

With their knives.

--

Honesty.

So I figured, since I had nothing better to do, and I spend a hell of a lot of time slithering lies into all my words, I'd try and tell the truth a little bit, as a sort of dare to myself. (:

1. Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

a. Happy monthsary. I love you. (:
b. When can I sleep over? XD
c. Stay for my birthday, PLEASE. :(
d. I really do hope you'll get better. Not necessarily for me, but for everyone else.
e. You wanna hang out sometime soon? I really miss you.
f. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE, CUNTFACE.
g. You're gay. If you'd grown some balls in the entire time we'd been friends, maybe I wouldn't hate you so much.
h. For once, can I not be your paper doll? Can I, for once, be human to you?
i. If you're just gonna keep stuff from me, what's the point of our friendship?
j. You know what, sometimes you can be a real bitch. It gets irritating.

2. Nine things about yourself.

a. I'm random. Live with it.
b. Unless you learn to play along when I'm being crazy,
our conversations will remain mundane.
c. I love reading. Don't call me a dork for it.
d. I'm perfectly fine being alone with a book and some good music.
Why do people never understand that?
e. I'm not going to socialize one purpose, unless I have a
damn good reason. Don't try to force me.
f. I go climbing, I want an ATV, I like heights. Don't freak out.
g. Unless I'm being hyper,
or I know you too well,
I don't agree when you compliment me.
h. I spazz out randomly. :D
i. I will not ditch my friends for anything.
I will find reasons to ditch people I hate, though. (:

3. Eight ways to win your heart.

a. Tell me I'm pretty. I'll say I'm not, but hey. A little flattery never hurts.
Give me cute little nicknames. Maybe, just maybe, I'll give you some, too.
b. Read my work, and tell me what you honestly think.
Writing's important to me.
c. Be able to talk to me about anything.
Sex, love, drugs, God, books, TV, homework. Laugh.
d. Stay up late with me, for me, because of me.
I swear this really, really means a lot.
e. Tease me. Haha. Not.. cruelly. Just enough to make me laugh.
And if I start sulking, refer to letter a. KIDDING. XD
f. Tell me everything about you. I love knowing things, but I don't like prying.
g. Hang out with me.
Walking, talking, messing around is always fun.
h. Be spontaneous. Be random. Be awesome, just the way you are.
Most importantly.. don't ever fake anything to get to me. I'll hate you.

4. Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

a. Does he still love me?
b. Damn, I need a new book.
c. Do we have homework?
d. Don't eat. Do NOT eat. Resist. Control yourself.
e. I really, really want some gummi bears right now.
f. I wish I was climbing, or at least flying. Jeez.
g. FUCK YOU, PRUDE. FUCK YOU.

5. Six things you wish you'd never done.

a. Stopped climbing.
b. Forgotten the code to my old phone.
c. Eaten so many fries.
d. Not studied.
e. Messed up.
f. All that shit.

6. Five people who mean a lot.

a. My dummy.
b. My best friend.
c. My sister, Sofia.
d. My parents.
e. Myself. KIDDING. I dunno. (:

7. Four turn offs.

a. Being depressive. I honestly hate that.
b. Ditching me for something stupid.
c. Extensively praising someone else who I am not praising.
d. Comparing me.. to anyone.

8. Three turn ons.

a. Eyes. Seriously, gorgeous eyes are a killer.
b. Pecs. Forgive me for being concerned with the physical, but.. I mean, really.
It's sort of a "whoa" factor. Good pecs means the rest of you would be much the same.
And, I mean, how can you not look at them and not think, "Please hold me."
c. A slight arrogance. You need to know you're worth it.
I don't like having to be the one to make your self esteem from scratch.

9. Two events/actions that describe your life right now.

a. Playing my shuffle on speakers.
Can't change the song, can't pause.
It's only on or off, and the one thing I can adjust is the volume.
b. Reading a book.
Turning back the pages only tells me what I already know,
and maybe tells me some other things I hadn't observed before.
But the only way to know everything is to keep going.

10. One confession.

You know what.
No matter where in hell we end up, I think I'll always love you.
I can hate you, sure, and I won't necessarily be in love with you, but the fact remains.
I can't, won't stop.
And nothing, I repeat nothing, will ever be able to change that.
I just wish you knew.

~

Well, I suppose that's all. :D
Phew, this is hard work. Better go lie some more, make sure I
don't get too honest.
Kidding.

(On a lighter note.
We're finishing Gilmore Girls season two later! :D
Haha. Marathon!)

~the Raspberry Scribbler.