CIRCLES OF HAPPINESS

I'm bored.

What I Want Right Now:

Looky!

Looky!

27.8.11

Behemoth!!

I think I can pretty much say that the entire month of August has been, well, a behemoth. Haha. Production after production, plus requirements, exams, tests, essays, holy shit the life of a scholar is totally not to be envied. (>_>)

I'm going to count them off, one by one, just to feel like I've accomplished something! Hurray for me. Haha.

First off: Tuwaang!
Of course, since it was a play done in Tagalog I did not have a speaking part. Haha. I didn't even have an acting part! No facial expressions or lengthy lines for me. We left all that to Apoyon and Roy. And hey, they did a really, REALLY good job of it. Ahem, 130 percent. Hahaha. I helped a lot with the props though. Man, did we use a lot of gold stuff.

Exams!
I don't know why I'm mentioning these, but hey. They were a huge amount of stress-inducing whatevers that I really could've done without. It was pure hell, man. Especially the book of Job. e_e Also, Physics. Also, Chem. Also, Bio. BUT HEY MATH WAS SO NOT HARD. WAHOO. For once, math looked kindly upon me. X3

Parade of the Gods.
And yes, we plagiarized Hunger Games for our posters. But oh c'mon. Nobody else had that idea. Or if they did.. we beat 'em to it. Haha. Besides. We were up first. Stress, man. We had to think quickly and go with whatever we could.

Are you, are you,
coming to see
an Anthropomorphic Affair
on August fifteen?
Crazy are the gods,
no crazier would they be
if they invited us to party
from 2:10 to 3.

[THE GODS HAVE RESCHEDULED]

Anyway. The whole thing was a success, if I do say so myself. I started off the party with a bang. Haha. And most of my classmates had wonderful speeches! You know, I think writing your own script has a part in how well you pull it off. It's not that the script editors weren't good; I concede that we did a good job with nip/tuck-ing the scripts. It's just that when you're the one who writes your own script.. you feel it more. You know how you want to say it. The words are your own, so you give more of yourself into the performance. It really, and I mean really, makes a difference. C'mon. Wynken (Aphrodite) wrote her own speech. And we all know how.. ahem, captivating she was. Roy (Ares) wrote his, too. And so did Paul (Apollo). And Kristine (Artemis)! And.. well.. I'm not going to name names [anymore] but from everything I just said I think you know the flipside. And no, not us.

Bio. project!
This wasn't too bad. I made Edward Cullen's chromosome! :> Hahaha. It was the tallest and most glittery of them all. OHMYGOSH IT'S TRUE. =))) Submetacentric! Mhmm. Though it took a while for all of us to make it, and we even let ourselves become absent in the flag cem. So they made us hold one of our own, and just yesterday we got called into the DO's office where ma'am told us to never, ever do it again. e_e Oh well.

Essays!

- Boy and Girl week blahblah
I wrote ten pages of crap. Yes, ten pages of crap. Because I did not want to write what I absolutely KNEW would be accepted. I mean, let's face it. Seven years in Miriam has taught me exactly what adults want to hear when they ask you to write essays. I'm actually confident enough to say that if I'd written the way I knew they wanted me to have written, I'd have gotten in, no doubts. Yes, I am THAT confident. It's really easy, too. But I did not want to lie to myself. I did not want to tarnish my writer's soul with the disgusting taint of writing to impress. I've had to do that just to survive in MC, and now that I'm free not to, I most certainly will not. And so I wrote ten pages of pure, utter drivel, knowing that I would never get in but at least I wasn't lying to myself. And I was right! I didn't get in. HURRAY. Haha. I only used that essay thing as an excuse to stay til Saturday anyway. :P And yes, honey, you know why. Hahaha.

- PotG blahblah
This wasn't major, but I wanted something to write about. Haha. We had to write down our rxn blahblahblah. I was... slightly honest. I was actually on a roll! Cynic, angry, parinig me was coming back out. BUT I HAD NO TIME TO FINISH. So I ended the way MC has trained me to end ALL my rxn essays: With a moral lesson. Come to think of it.. Pisay is no different. Very few schools are actually any different. THEY ALL WANT US TO HAVE A FUCKING LESSON AT THE END OF THE FUCKING DAY. THEY CAN'T ACCEPT THAT SOMETIMES YOU DON'T NEED TO LEARNS FUCKING LESSON THAT DAY. MAYBE THERE AREN'T ENOUGH LESSONS TO BE FUCKING LEARNED GODDAMNIT. Well anyway. Yes, this is slightly hypocritical. But the moral lesson was in keeping with the rest of the essay, and it was very acerbic and parinig.

Shit, I still remember some of my first sentences..

I will not litter this essay with overly mushy, sentimental memories and moments I had with my classmates, nor will I stain it with synonyms that even the most pretentious thesauruses deny having. I find that a complete waste of my readers' time, and mine.

I love my bitchy self. Haha.

Titibok-tibok!
I wasn't there on Thursday, but they didn't need me anyway. I had no speaking part, plus I'd had enough of making props and attending EVERY SINGLE meeting. Three years we've been doing this, people, and still we haven't improved. Even my maid's pissed. They say we start at seven, people get there around eleven. Sometimes they go in the damn afternoon. Sometimes they don't even go. :/ So yeah. I kind of didn't give a fuck. I mean, seriously. I always, always get there before most people even wake up. Fuck you, man. If you won't do it, why should I? Wonderful student mentality, right?

ANYWAY. The play was, in my classmates' words, great success! Haha. It was purely for the lulz. And everybody loved it! Yay. Haha.

I think that's all I have to say about school. Now, for the better part of my blog entry: BEHEMOTH.

For those of you who don't already know: I've recently acquired to sequels to two awesome, awesome books. And yes, the sequels are every bit deserving of their titles.

There's Throne of Fire, which is a Rick Riordan book, so basically.. 'nuff said. =)))

And then there's Behemoth. Aah, Behemoth. You are lovely. GAH. I've read it thrice. This is my fourth time re-reading it. And it still has not gotten old. I MEAN WHOA. It's steampunk! It's fucking steampunk! Waaah. Haha.

It picked up where Leviathan left off, with Alek and his men in the care of the British airship and headed towards the Ottoman Empire on a diplomatic mission. Or maybe I'm going too fast?

Leviathan kicks off with a murder. Two, to be exact. Archduke Franz-Ferdinand and his wife, Sophie. Yup, it starts World War One. Of course, their only son Alek doesn't know that yet. His men steal him away to one of their erm.. I forgot what you call it.. basta.. it's not a zeppelin. But it's a runner. It moves, and it can fight.

DAMNIT STILL MOVING TOO FAST. =))) GAH. Okay.
The world is divided into two kinds. Clanker and Darwinist. Clankers use machinery. Lots of it. They're all about cogs and gears, metal and oil. Mekanzimat, in other words. Darwinists, on the other hand, well.. you can pretty much tell, from the name. They dabble with the "threads of life" and weave together new creations. So in a war, Clankers would fight with tanks and guns (keep in mind, these are SUPER awesome) and Darwinists would use animals that had mutations to fight and be used as weapons. Both sides have their own slightly-twisted sense of logic, and that's what makes Deryn and Alek [ Darwinist and Clanker, respectively ] and their faithful bickering so endearing. (:

Okay back to the story! Deryn is a girl pretending to be a boy [Dylan] to join the Air Force because she feels at home in the air and she wants to honor her father's memory. Which is so completely awwww.. though she's a tad too headstrong and smart-alecky for me. I don't like girl characters like that. Too Sue. You know what I mean. I like Alek better. He's kind of oblivious, but he means well. It's so adorable. Reminds me of someone. Haha. He's just trying to do the right thing and fulfill his duty [the Pope signed a letter saying he could inherit the throne of Austria-Hungary even if his mother was a commoner and Franz-..Josef(?) hates him a lot] and he makes mistakes like the next prince. He's real. Not Stu. Waah. Haha.

BEHEMOTH NOW. Because that up there was Leviathan.
Oh wait no, that was just the background. -_- Damn. Anyway! Alek runs to the Alps with his men including Count Volger, who is now basically his guardian. Leviathan crashes in the Alps after an attack by German zeppelins, who are looking for Alek so they can kill him 'cause they don't want his existence to complicate who gets the Austria-Hungary throne next. And um. Alek gets stranded in the snow trying to find out what a huge British airship is doing in Switzerland, which is a neutral country. Deryn rescues him, and then when Volger comes for him Deryn holds a knife to Alek's neck to gain safety. Blahblah, politics, blahblah. The german zepp's are really dangerous, apparently, so Alek gives the Leviathan their supplies, and also Clanker engines because otherwise it won't be able to leave. In exchange, the Leviathan crew must take them in, and keep them safe from the Germans. That's basically it.

The entire airship's headed for the Ottoman Empire, because Britain made the sultan a warship.. but Churchill thought his country needed it more than the Turks did 'cause Constantinople is also a neutral country. But the Turks didn't like this.. so people are scared that they'll go to the Clanker side, because most of their country is mekanzimat already. O:

ON TO BEHEMOTH. They land in the Empire and Alek wants to escape because Austria-Hungary has officially declared war with Britain. So they'll be prisoners of war if they stay on the ship. AGH TOO MUCH POLITICS I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

Okay you know what I give up. The entire series is awesome okay? Goliath's coming out in September AND I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED HOLY SHIT!! Just read it. It's an Alternate History, and it's futuristic. I mean, c'mon. Steampunk and genetic hybrids?! What else could you want? Gosh. I love this series. ANYWAY. I'm so tired right now. Plus I'm leaving for la aeropuerto soon, so yeah.

GAAAH I'm so spent. Wahuhuhu. *rolls on the floor exhaustedly* I shall read Leviathan.. AND THEN BEHEMOTH AGAIN TROLOLOL.

21.8.11

Potassium, damnit.

Okay. So I ate mint chocolate ice cream for dessert after a medium-sized breakfast, with gummi bears and marshmallows. That should've been enough to make me ecstatic, but all I kept thinking was GAHFUCK MY EYES HURT SO MUCH. (>_>) I even stuck the back of the spoon on my eyelids to try and numb them. Nothing flippin' happened. I keep rubbing them, too. Waha. Okay, I am officially terrible.

I'M SO FUCKING SLEEPY. :| Goddamnit. But anyway. I'm not dwelling on the fact that I had maybe two and a half hours of sleep, maybe 'cause I like deviating from the usual and staying up late makes me feel soo.. bad. Hahaha. Anyway. My eyes hurt, really. I'm not used to this, obviously. Wtf. Haha.

Hey, at least I finished my Chem homework. WITHIN HALF AN HOUR. INCLUDING GOOGLING THE FLIPPIN' ANSWERS. SUCK ON THAT BITCHES. =))) Also, I managed the miracle of making a decent writeup while.. um.. while.. haha. NEVERMIND. I do not want to remember. Tis too .. GAHAHAHA. =)))

So anyway this morning wasn't pure shit. Ohmygosh it was a miracle!! Haha.

I was the last to wake up obviously, since I was the last to sleep. But meh, first to get dressed. And the BEST DRESSED. BLEH. Hahaha. Yes, I think you can tell that I'm nutty because for no other reason would I say that. =))) I put on a skirt, can you believe it. O_O Because I am strange, I will.. ah whatever. I will not say. Haha.

I got cheered up marginally by telling my sister's friends about Bloody Mary and Scheißle. WHICH ARE FLIPPING AWESOME SONGS XD Kudos to Photon for using Gaga.

Yeah you can tell I'm pretty fucked up by now can't you. =))))

My legs still hurt, from the squats on Friday and playing TWO STRAIGHT ROUNDS of Lazer Tag yesterday with NONSTOP RUNNING. O_O And the little girls camped everywhere and the little boys ran around and wouldn't shut up. Yeah. Haha. It's okay! Had fun. Even during the CAT, surprisingly. XD

We had a game, we told jokes, we were made to do sexy pumpings. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm sorry Nessie, but I don't think I'll be complaining too much next time.

Speaking of which I don't necessarily think I'm going to be in Iloilo next weekend. My parents are still looking for excuses for me to be absent on Friday and not go to Soc. on Saturday. (>_<) Goddamn.

We're all mad here, baby. ;)

I liiiike. Ohmygod, I liiiiiiiiiiiike. Hahahaha. Ich schliecen austa be clair, es kumpent madre monstere.. I could quote Gaga all day, but I won't.

I think I realized something.
Maybe all I needed was some way of letting all the stress out. I didn't need the problems to be fixed; I needed someone to let me admit that maybe they couldn't be fixed at all, at least not now. Maybe not ever. But I needed the help to figure out that maybe it's okay for everything not to be fixed. I just needed opinions.

Ahh. I remember so many opinions on so many things.
I love having lengthy debates and making horrid excuses. It's just fun. GAH.
I haven't written anything in a while. I'm a hopeless wreck. Oh well. I think I better go do my homework now.

AND I CANNOT FIND MY PHONE WAHAHA.

15.8.11

Done!!

Hey look, my 151th entry. Huzzah for mee.

Parade of the Gods was totally not bad. Some people really made awesome speeches, I swear to god. Ahem, gods. Hahaha. Wynken, as Aphrodite. Ohmygod. Passionate.. art. :> Hahahahahaha. Shiiit. Also, Hera, Gaea, Hades, Ares, Apollo, Thanatos.. gee. Twas awesome. Basically everybody did an excellent job! I really hope we get a repeat grading of Fil. C'mon, we deserved it. XD

I will not rest too long on my own part. Suffice it to say that I started the show with a .. bang. :D

I'll be there when you're insecure, let you know that you're always lovely.

OKAY I love the radio right now. It's so.. ah. Also, I really cannot get Smooth Criminal or Misery out of my head. (>_<) Once I stop thinking of one, I start with the other. Damn.

I've got nothing else to say, I think. I'm going to keep reading Agatha Christie's books. Yay for me.

Pass-agg.

See, now if only I'd known about this condition of mine before, I might have taken steps to prevent using that particular tendency to react to most situations I was presented with. Or not. I mean, I am pass-agg. GODDAMN. :/

That is just so unfair; I mean, it's not like I asked to avoid confrontation. :/ And yes, it is obvious, so glaringly obvious right now, that I am. It's like, staring me in the face. Daring me to contradict it. Fuuuck, man. :/ This is so wrong.

I wish I weren't. I wish I were brave enough to say what I felt and do what I wanted. I wish I could go back to that point in time where I was fearless. But doing that means throwing myself into a conflagration I'd rather not risk, even though it hurts more to slowly burn from the inside. WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS TO MYSELF. :/

I want to say such a lot, but I can't. Damnit. God-fucking-damnit. Yeah, I still and will always say that phrase. It's a parasite that's latched on. I can't seem to let go. And yes, I will always and forever swear a lot, because it's who I am and I will never ever change that part of me. I'm never going to let it go. Duh. Ohsnapmotherfuck. I think I have to go.

Ah, don't worry about it. If you ever piss me off in any way.. you can be sure I will deny it wholeheartedly and make sure you never have cause to suspect I'm mad. Because I'm like that. Because I make sure people don't freak out and realize that they disappointed me. Because I don't want them to apologize. Because once you make me angry, I will never want to forgive you, and I usually don't.

But hey. Nobody ever thinks I know anything; I'll always seem too distracted, too far away from the gritty reality. Fuck that shit, man. I will always know more than I let on. Meh.

[posted much too late. and hey! 150th entry, if i'm not mistaken. yay for me, huh]

[gosh, why do I sound so angry. I'm not angry anymore.]

10.8.11

Flippin' 'eck.

Okay, the weirdest thing ever happened today, like you would NOT believe. Holy shit. e_e What the hell. I swear, even Wynken's freaked out. Wtf.

Anyway.

He got me McDo this morning, 'cause yesterday I didn't get to eat at all. Hurrah, thank youuu. XD Oh and I made it through like.. five exams already. PLUS UPCAT. AND I finished my ACET Essay. Aw yeah. =))))

I'm reading the SONA right now and.. wondering what the hell I'm supposed to write about it. I swear to god. I do not see the point. e_e

Anyway.

SOMETHING HAPPENED TO MY PRETTY CIRCLES. THEY ARE GONE. MOTHERFLIP. I don't know where they weeent. ): WAHAHA. Bring back my pretty circles. OTL

Okay there are creepy sex sounds coming from my neighbor's radio. This is really awkward. I want to tell them to shut the hell up.. except I tend to blast MCR out loud when I'm mad, and I'm mad a lot nowadays, so if they can put up with that then I guess.. actually, no. Yuck. I WANT IT TO END THIS IS SO GROSS.

URGH.

Okay, physics and bio tomorrow. I really really hope I can study enough. Here's to cramming.

5.8.11

Gouda luck!!

Okay well. I am torn, right now.
Half of me is nervous as fuck, about the UPCAT. THIS IS LIFE-DECIDING, ZOMG. O_O I MEAN IT. Life is not an option after failing this exam. Holy shit!
And the other half is.. well.. the other half wants more spaghetti and is kind of needing a nap. :| THIS IS NOT RIGHT. WHY IS HALF OF ME LAX.

Okay. I think it's Artemis, telling me I need to studystudystudycramcramcram because if not it's going to go to hell and I might just kill myself.

And it's Logan, telling me to chill, that cramming won't work, that nothing will work, and besides I can totally handle anything the UPCAT can dish out.

GODFUCKINGDAMNIT. OTL CONFUSION.

-

Also, puppy lost his shades case. (>_>) Daaamn. Thank you so much, Irish, for helping look for them. XD Even though I had to call you to get your attention. Haha.

-

I have been such a flirt with Twitter clients lately. I don't even know why. It's just that the last couple of days, I've been downloading em like mad. O_O

TweetDeck. Trillian. Silverbird. twhirl. DestroyTwitter. Seesmic.
Srsly. o-o

And they're so fun to use. I think I might even set up a schedule for them.. once I find a seventh. XD Erm. Or maybe I'll just switch whenever I feel like it. Yeah, that sounds about right. =))))

-

I read this quote from a Bartimaeus book once.

"Gods and nations, what are they but words?"

I like it, a lot. And not just 'cause it's so eloquently pithy. Because it's real.
Man made God in his image. Maybe that's why we who were raised in an environment with one omnipotent, omniscient, omniblahblahwhateverasdfgeweginiobgoi2 deity are so fascinated by the Greek gods. Because they have flaws that are acknowledged, even emphasized.
Ancient Greeks themselves would tell the tales, resting a while on the characteristics of their gods. Zeus was infamously unfaithful, Hera was a possessive nag, Hades always emoted about being left out.. etc. Dogmatic Christians would never stand for God being put down, in any way. That's what I dislike about them.

Basically all of religion is just sort of a displacement. You make people see your god the way you want them to see you. In a sense. Maybe that's why Christians are so self-righteous. They can't stand being told they're wrong. They can't stand for god to be wrong, either. Oh, whoops. God pala. Sry. Haha.

Can you sense my sarcasm? e_e

But I'm falling out of the context.
Those words were spoke by a djinn to a girl. The djinn was not Bartimaeus, though he shares the same beliefs. I mean, when you live forever, you attain a sort of perspective, I guess. What use is it to fight for your [master's] king/god/country if you know in a few hundred years it'll be obsolete? Anyway.
The girl is a hereditary guard.. meaning her mother was a guard of the queen, her grandmother before that.. etc. and her queen basically sent her on a mission that meant suicide 'cause it was SO FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. If she didn't have a djinn like Bartimaeus, in any case. I mean, c'mon. IT'S BARTIMAEUS. =))) Anyway.
She's willing to die for her queen. And the djinn both disapprove of this. I agree with them. Those are concepts invented by power-hungry people who want mindless fanatics willing to die for an empty cause.

Gosh, I'm getting flashbacks of Fullmetal Alchemist. What was that priest's name? The one with the ring. I forgot. Basta. That's what leaders who want you to die for them are like. That's what people who want you dogmatic enough to follow them to the ends of the earth, are like. I swear.

Plus, watch FMA. It's a f'cking awesome show. And read ze manga!! XD

Maybe I'm just bitter about CAT. Because I ate an enormous lunch a while ago and THERE WAS NO CAT. :| GODDAMN. I went around feeling so full for the rest of the damn day. Fuuuck. Eating is not something I do naturally, or willingly. AND CHEL CHEL DID NOT TELL MEEE. ):

Anyway. I think that's all. XD

Wow, this rant was so relaxing. Logan has been appeased! Artemis next. :D Studying later, and reading books in between. Walter Moers!!

UPCAT. Come at me, bro.

3.8.11

Senseless fangirl-ing.

Okay, first of all, I love my puppy and he is SO FUCKING AWESOME WOOOOH. XD I mean.. I knew that already.. but it's nice to be proven right, isn't it? <3 I love you, honey. Haha.

Just as expected, IV-Tau exceeded the boundaries of awesome. 130% fuck yeah. X3 Just like Graav. And remember. We love ya like a love song. :>

Okay so anyway. This week! I'm so stressed about the UPCAT. I really hope I pass. I swear to god, I think I might just kill myself if I don't. Holy fucking shit. O_O

I'm going to review like hell on Friday night. And maybe Thursday too. And now that the Fil preps are done, we shall be moving on to English. ZOMG we'll be on August 15. O_O That means .. we have less than two weeks. D: Nooo. Oh well. We can do this, Grav! :D

That's all I've got to say. So damn tired. Wah.

Also.. the Karaoke thingy of our section was epic a while ago. Singing along is awesome!! :D

[must remember to write ickall a write-up for the yearbook later.. =))) ]

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