Be warned: There is excessive swearing and a large quantity of odd material to be found on this blog.
CIRCLES OF HAPPINESS
I'm bored.
What I Want Right Now:
- • To be able to dance my pants off, listening to my new CD.
- • A hug. A really nice one. (:
- • SLEEP
- • To get more feedback on my pieces
- • More inspiration to write songs
- • More self control concerning junk food. TT_TT
- • COLD ROCK. TT_TT
Looky!
27.8.11
Behemoth!!
21.8.11
Potassium, damnit.
15.8.11
Done!!
Pass-agg.
See, now if only I'd known about this condition of mine before, I might have taken steps to prevent using that particular tendency to react to most situations I was presented with. Or not. I mean, I am pass-agg. GODDAMN. :/
That is just so unfair; I mean, it's not like I asked to avoid confrontation. :/ And yes, it is obvious, so glaringly obvious right now, that I am. It's like, staring me in the face. Daring me to contradict it. Fuuuck, man. :/ This is so wrong.
I wish I weren't. I wish I were brave enough to say what I felt and do what I wanted. I wish I could go back to that point in time where I was fearless. But doing that means throwing myself into a conflagration I'd rather not risk, even though it hurts more to slowly burn from the inside. WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS TO MYSELF. :/
I want to say such a lot, but I can't. Damnit. God-fucking-damnit. Yeah, I still and will always say that phrase. It's a parasite that's latched on. I can't seem to let go. And yes, I will always and forever swear a lot, because it's who I am and I will never ever change that part of me. I'm never going to let it go. Duh. Ohsnapmotherfuck. I think I have to go.
Ah, don't worry about it. If you ever piss me off in any way.. you can be sure I will deny it wholeheartedly and make sure you never have cause to suspect I'm mad. Because I'm like that. Because I make sure people don't freak out and realize that they disappointed me. Because I don't want them to apologize. Because once you make me angry, I will never want to forgive you, and I usually don't.
But hey. Nobody ever thinks I know anything; I'll always seem too distracted, too far away from the gritty reality. Fuck that shit, man. I will always know more than I let on. Meh.
[posted much too late. and hey! 150th entry, if i'm not mistaken. yay for me, huh]
[gosh, why do I sound so angry. I'm not angry anymore.]
10.8.11
Flippin' 'eck.
5.8.11
Gouda luck!!
Half of me is nervous as fuck, about the UPCAT. THIS IS LIFE-DECIDING, ZOMG. O_O I MEAN IT. Life is not an option after failing this exam. Holy shit!
And the other half is.. well.. the other half wants more spaghetti and is kind of needing a nap. :| THIS IS NOT RIGHT. WHY IS HALF OF ME LAX.
Okay. I think it's Artemis, telling me I need to studystudystudycramcramcram because if not it's going to go to hell and I might just kill myself.
And it's Logan, telling me to chill, that cramming won't work, that nothing will work, and besides I can totally handle anything the UPCAT can dish out.
GODFUCKINGDAMNIT. OTL CONFUSION.
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Also, puppy lost his shades case. (>_>) Daaamn. Thank you so much, Irish, for helping look for them. XD Even though I had to call you to get your attention. Haha.
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I have been such a flirt with Twitter clients lately. I don't even know why. It's just that the last couple of days, I've been downloading em like mad. O_O
TweetDeck. Trillian. Silverbird. twhirl. DestroyTwitter. Seesmic.
Srsly. o-o
And they're so fun to use. I think I might even set up a schedule for them.. once I find a seventh. XD Erm. Or maybe I'll just switch whenever I feel like it. Yeah, that sounds about right. =))))
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I read this quote from a Bartimaeus book once.
"Gods and nations, what are they but words?"
I like it, a lot. And not just 'cause it's so eloquently pithy. Because it's real.
Man made God in his image. Maybe that's why we who were raised in an environment with one omnipotent, omniscient, omniblahblahwhateverasdfgeweginiobgoi2 deity are so fascinated by the Greek gods. Because they have flaws that are acknowledged, even emphasized.
Ancient Greeks themselves would tell the tales, resting a while on the characteristics of their gods. Zeus was infamously unfaithful, Hera was a possessive nag, Hades always emoted about being left out.. etc. Dogmatic Christians would never stand for God being put down, in any way. That's what I dislike about them.
Basically all of religion is just sort of a displacement. You make people see your god the way you want them to see you. In a sense. Maybe that's why Christians are so self-righteous. They can't stand being told they're wrong. They can't stand for god to be wrong, either. Oh, whoops. God pala. Sry. Haha.
Can you sense my sarcasm? e_e
But I'm falling out of the context.
Those words were spoke by a djinn to a girl. The djinn was not Bartimaeus, though he shares the same beliefs. I mean, when you live forever, you attain a sort of perspective, I guess. What use is it to fight for your [master's] king/god/country if you know in a few hundred years it'll be obsolete? Anyway.
The girl is a hereditary guard.. meaning her mother was a guard of the queen, her grandmother before that.. etc. and her queen basically sent her on a mission that meant suicide 'cause it was SO FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. If she didn't have a djinn like Bartimaeus, in any case. I mean, c'mon. IT'S BARTIMAEUS. =))) Anyway.
She's willing to die for her queen. And the djinn both disapprove of this. I agree with them. Those are concepts invented by power-hungry people who want mindless fanatics willing to die for an empty cause.
Gosh, I'm getting flashbacks of Fullmetal Alchemist. What was that priest's name? The one with the ring. I forgot. Basta. That's what leaders who want you to die for them are like. That's what people who want you dogmatic enough to follow them to the ends of the earth, are like. I swear.
Plus, watch FMA. It's a f'cking awesome show. And read ze manga!! XD
Maybe I'm just bitter about CAT. Because I ate an enormous lunch a while ago and THERE WAS NO CAT. :| GODDAMN. I went around feeling so full for the rest of the damn day. Fuuuck. Eating is not something I do naturally, or willingly. AND CHEL CHEL DID NOT TELL MEEE. ):
Anyway. I think that's all. XD
Wow, this rant was so relaxing. Logan has been appeased! Artemis next. :D Studying later, and reading books in between. Walter Moers!!
UPCAT. Come at me, bro.