Pass-agg.

See, now if only I'd known about this condition of mine before, I might have taken steps to prevent using that particular tendency to react to most situations I was presented with. Or not. I mean, I am pass-agg. GODDAMN. :/

That is just so unfair; I mean, it's not like I asked to avoid confrontation. :/ And yes, it is obvious, so glaringly obvious right now, that I am. It's like, staring me in the face. Daring me to contradict it. Fuuuck, man. :/ This is so wrong.

I wish I weren't. I wish I were brave enough to say what I felt and do what I wanted. I wish I could go back to that point in time where I was fearless. But doing that means throwing myself into a conflagration I'd rather not risk, even though it hurts more to slowly burn from the inside. WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS TO MYSELF. :/

I want to say such a lot, but I can't. Damnit. God-fucking-damnit. Yeah, I still and will always say that phrase. It's a parasite that's latched on. I can't seem to let go. And yes, I will always and forever swear a lot, because it's who I am and I will never ever change that part of me. I'm never going to let it go. Duh. Ohsnapmotherfuck. I think I have to go.

Ah, don't worry about it. If you ever piss me off in any way.. you can be sure I will deny it wholeheartedly and make sure you never have cause to suspect I'm mad. Because I'm like that. Because I make sure people don't freak out and realize that they disappointed me. Because I don't want them to apologize. Because once you make me angry, I will never want to forgive you, and I usually don't.

But hey. Nobody ever thinks I know anything; I'll always seem too distracted, too far away from the gritty reality. Fuck that shit, man. I will always know more than I let on. Meh.

[posted much too late. and hey! 150th entry, if i'm not mistaken. yay for me, huh]

[gosh, why do I sound so angry. I'm not angry anymore.]