Back to December

~

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
we small talk, work and the weather;
Your guard is up and I know why.

'Cause the last time you saw me
is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride
standing in front of you, saying "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right;
and I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
staying up, playing back myself leaving,
when your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times;
I watched you laughing from the passenger side,
and realized I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when the fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love
and all I gave you was goodbye.

So this is me swallowing my pride
standing in front of you, saying "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind;
and I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile
so good to me, so right.
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
the first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
probably mindless dreaming;
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

So this is me swallowing my pride
standing in front of you, saying "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right;
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.

And I go back to December all the time;
all the time.

~

I love you, okay? Forgive me if it's hard for me to swallow the fact that I'll never see you again in less than two years.

I'm not you. Everything that happened can't just mean nothing to me like it can to you. I can't just not care. I can't shrug off living without you just like that.

Forgive me for having these idiotic fucking emotions. I'm sorry; sorry that I'm stupidly, mindlessly, recklessly, uselessly in love. I can't help it. I can't forget everything that happened.

But I guess I'll have to.
--