Momentary

I guess I was trying to lie to myself. Apparently I'm the only one it doesn't work on.

So to everybody who was suspecting that that would happen... yeah, you were right and I was wrong. It happened.

I just realized. Well, actually, no. I've known for years. I get fevers when I worry. About anything, anything at all. And then the fever dissipates and I break into a cold sweat. My voice gets hoarse, and I get dizzy, and I need to sit down or I'm going to collapse.

And then I'm fine. Because I push the worry to the back of my head and I deal with whatever the hell is threatening me and I go by my impulses.

Logan highly disapproves of this strategy. Hahaha.

There's a butterfly in my apartment, and I want to kill it. I really, really do. Ooh, I'm in one of my morbid moods.

This is way worse than what I felt before. Because back then I never made any promises that I was compelled to keep. Logan's gotten stronger lately, and I don't like it at all.

So many walls up, I can't break through.

I WANT SOMETHING I WOULD WANT. NOT SOMETHING FOISTED ON ME BY THE CRAPPY HAND OF DESTINY. FUCK YOU, DESTINY.

One day I'll get fed up with being this passive, and I'll implode quietly and possibly shoot someone. Yay for me.